i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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