So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
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