Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Randomize
