Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
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