im so drunk with asians
where?
always
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
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