You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
It was confusing and full of hummus
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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