I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
he shaved USA in his pubs
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
