wrigley field is MILF paradise
HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
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