1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
