They should really pass out barf bags in church
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
