I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
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