i think my mom watched the whole time
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
i would one night stand the shit outta him
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
