and next time when you feel me up, do it right
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
The air taste purple.
Randomize
