Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
