Sry I called you an 8
Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
