I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
