no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
