Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
Randomize
