I think I just saw someone hide a body.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
