Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Randomize
