you didnt know i had herpes?
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Randomize
