I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
