The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Randomize