Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
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