Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
