Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
