There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Found your dick twin last night
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
