I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
