I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
