ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Randomize
