We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
Porn is love you can see.
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
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