If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Randomize
