Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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