I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
