did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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