yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
look no pants
in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
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