So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Randomize
