So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Randomize
