thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
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