The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
Green mimosas i think yes
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
