Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
