drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
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