Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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