Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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