Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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