All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
