I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Panties = found
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