How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
