You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Randomize
