girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
Randomize
