Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
