its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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