If you die in college, do you die in real life?
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
Randomize
