Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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