Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
