i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
my penis made a compromise with my morals
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
