I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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