First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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