nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
it was like eating out sand paper
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Randomize
