I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
