i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
I pour the whiskey from now on
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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