if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
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