She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
