I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
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