You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
