Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
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