just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
