Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
