theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
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