When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
I need to align my fucking chakras
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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