We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Randomize
