I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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