By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
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