if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Randomize
