just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
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