it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
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